- Hair removal: for a clean shave, every time. If we tinkered with the technology a little bit and made some small versions, then we could use them for making quick and easy hair styles in a flash! I mostly thought of this for guys who need to sculpt their beards to the perfect shape, and I had the inspiration from Zenon, Girl of the 21st century when I saw a guy shaving with a laser thingy.
- Landscaping: for a prize winning lawn in a flash. Weed whackers and lawn mowers use so much gas and can really be a pain to push around all day long. BUT if you had a light saber, you could just trim the grass really quickly and save yourself the energy. We may need to make some flat models to accomodates for large lawns and extensive grass trimming, but the idea is still pretty solid.
- Fashion: the fastest way to move from your winter wardrobe to your summer wardrobe. Don't need all that bulky fleece or long pants? Make a pair of shorts with just a swipe of your light saber, and you're good to go to the beach or to the park! Also, for those in between times, make yourself a vest from your favorite winter coat by slicing off those pesky sleeves. Or do you have the same problem as Philosopher #1 (the good philosopher aka Lisa) where pants and skirts are just TOO LONG because you are a normal height and stores make clothes for giant people. Just trim a few inches off those pants/dress/skirt to save yourself a trip to the tailor!
- Crafting: don't you just hate it when you cut fabric and you accidently cut it wrong and then you get those annoying strands coming apart from the fabric? WELL NOT ANYMORE! Just use your lightsaber for a clean cut everytime. Save yourself the frustration and precision of trying to cut with a pair of scissors that may or may not have a sharp blade...you can always count on your lightsaber.
- Music: is someone playing a little out of tune? Just take your lightsaber through their instrument and they won't ever be out of tune again. Not advised with vocalists.
- Home Remodeling: Sometimes you just DIDN'T measure those tiles right and it's too late to buy the smaller ones now. Just take your handy dandy lightsaber and cut them down the the desired size. No extra tools required, no dusty mess to clean up. If your tiles are too small, then your lightsaber cannot help you. Just do it right the first time. Also, if your doors are too large for the frame...cut them down. You wanna remove that ceiling fan? Lightsaber. Need to replace those old cabinets? Take out the old ones with your light saber. Your refrigerator running? Your lightsaber can see to it that it no longer runs.
- Prank callers: Are you being awaken in the middle of the night by someone who wants to ask you about a survey AGAIN?! Lightsaber to phone. No more prank calls.
- Coupons: Hate cutting out those dang things all day long to save $.23 cents on your toilet paper? Your mini-lightsaber can help you cut them out in half the time.
- Chip bags: I can never open those dang things the first time. Either my hands are not gripping the bag or the bag is just sealed way too tight for the average person to open. Use your lightsaber on the top of the bag, no more frustration.
- New Electronic Purchases: I hate those plastic packaging things they all come in...you know where the electronic is in the inside and the outside is a thick plastic and the ends are all krimped together so you need to use heavy duty scissors or a strong man to help you open them?! Take your lightsaber to the packaging ONLY (not to your new electronic purchase...) and save yourself 15 minutes of anger and perhaps sore hands from trying to open it yourself.
- Room Entry: Forgot your key? Use your lightsaber to cut through the door (think Episode 1)
- Escape routes: I learned on mythbusters that shooting into the floor to try and make it fall through to the next level DOES NOT WORK. But your lightsaber will work. Also, if your master or padawan is in jail, just take your lightsaber to the bars of the jail cell or padlock keeping them in, and POOF they are free! However, this technique will not work on laser bars since we all know that lightsabers repel other lightsabers...so if they used lightsaber technology to keep the person there, you need to improvise with other methods of escape.
- Self-defense/Vanquishing enemies: Now, this use has two parts because there are always two sides to consider. The dark side and the other side (that we will call the light side even though they never call it that in any of the movies). The dark side of the force will use their lightsabers for evil instead of good, so instead of trimming grass, they trim arms and legs. And sometimes abdomen removal. The light side uses it for self defense: repeling laser bullets, blocking other light sabers, and defeating the dark side. Hopefully you'll all use your lightsabers for good, since the dark side never wins anyway (and there's only really room for two of you...). Good light sabers come in many colors, the most common being green and blue, but the pink, purple and teal editions are also acceptable. The dark side only has one option: red. Not a good choice for you creative types who want to express yourselves through your lightsaber.
Your lightsaber is not recommended for many uses on the body. If you are trying to trim your hair with a normal lightsaber, please be careful not to decapitate yourself. Please don't try to remove finger nails or toe nails with your lightsaber, unless you are extremely skilled. Lightsabers are best used with all fingers to keep the balance and precision of the instrument. Missing fingers or toes can hindure the user of the lightsaber and accidents are more likely to happen and cause further damage to digits and limbs.
Please be responsible, and keep checking for more updates on common uses for your lightsaber.
And that's my new philosophy
-Philosopher #1
